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What No One Tells You About Being a Cancer Caregiver

  • Writer: Caroline Watson Kobylinski
    Caroline Watson Kobylinski
  • 31 minutes ago
  • 3 min read

Being a cancer caregiver will break your heart… and stretch it in ways you never expected.

When Jenny was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer, I went from sister-in-law to full-time support crew. Therapist hat on. Grief sponge mode activated. And still — nothing prepares you for the emotional whiplash of watching someone you love slip away.


If you’re in it right now — or living in the ache afterward — I wrote this for you.You are not invisible. You are not alone.


I know, because I lived it.


When my sister-in-law, Jenny, was diagnosed with stage 4 triple negative breast cancer, my whole world shifted. Overnight, I went from therapist and friend to caregiver, medical sidekick, emotional buffer, and full-time witness to both love and loss. And still — nothing prepares you for it.


If you’re in the thick of cancer caregiving right now — or living in the ache that comes after — this is for you. Here’s what I learned.


1. Don’t Wait to Say the Thing


You think you’ll have more time. You think, “I’ll tell her she’s brave after the next scan.”“I’ll write that letter once this round of chemo is over.”


Say it now.


Say the thing that matters while they’re still here to roll their eyes at you for being sappy.


Jenny hated the mushy but I said it anyway.


Cancer is full of unknowns. Don’t let your love be one of them.


2. Be the Advocate They Didn’t Ask For


Jenny didn’t want to be the center of attention. She wanted to go to the beach, see her friends, and pretend things were normal.


But cancer isn’t normal. And navigating treatment is overwhelming — even for someone with a therapy background like me.


So I went with her. I sat beside her during hard appointments. I wrote down the questions. I stood in the gap when her voice got quiet.


I didn’t have a script. I didn’t do it perfectly. I just showed up.


3. The Emotional Labor Is Real


People bring enormous amounts of tacos. They send flowers. But the emotional weight? That lands on the caregivers.


I held space for her after bad scans. I watched her wrestle with what it meant to lose her independence. I grieved her death long before she passed.


No one talks about the anticipatory grief of caregiving — but it’s real. And it’s heavy.


If you're a caregiver and you're exhausted, angry, sad, or numb... you're not doing it wrong. You're just human.


4. You Deserve Support, Too


Jenny passed away in November 2024. And even now, I can't bring myself to delete her name from the pinned text messages at the top of my phone.


That kind of loss doesn’t go away — but neither does the love.


Caregiving was the most sacred, painful, beautiful work I’ve ever done. And if you’re doing that work now? You are not alone.


At CWK Counseling, I offer therapy for caregivers, grief counseling, and trauma-informed support for anyone impacted by cancer — whether you’re still in the trenches or living in the aftermath.


Looking for therapy for cancer caregivers or grief support?

I provide online therapy in Texas, Florida, Alabama, Colorado, and Louisiana. If you're looking for a therapist who understands the messy, beautiful, heartbreaking work of caregiving — I’d be honored to walk with you.


📞 Call or text: 903-701-0525

📍 Online Therapy: Texas, Florida, Alabama, Colorado, Louisiana

📲 Instagram: @bruisedbananacounseling

 
 
 

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